


Breathe

by Joey_De



Series: Loving you is all I need to feel [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Episode: s04e06 Lost Souls, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-04-24 05:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19166734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joey_De/pseuds/Joey_De
Summary: Oliver is reacting to Sara being alive and ensouled again and it has a ripple effect on the whole team.





	1. You need to breathe

If Oliver were honest with himself, he would have to admit that he felt himself spiraling hours if not days before he fled his and Felicity’s apartment. But looking back he wasn’t sure what lead to his drastic retreat. He barley registered Felicity coming up with some excuse for him being late and just automatically came up with a reply. Felicity was obviously still mad at him and he did not understand what he did to deserve to be treated the way she has been treating him for the last couple of days. He was doing everything he could to help her find Ray. He even called Donna in hopes that she might get to the bottom of the problem, but it seemed that every single one of his attempts to help her only made things and her mood worse. He didn’t know what else he could do. He felt helpless. He was her boyfriend and he should be able to make her feel better, not worse. He had been racking his brain trying to figure out what it was that he did wrong and felt terrible when he couldn’t figure it out.

“I’m going to get some takeout.”

Donna’s attempt to remove herself from the awkward situation only lead to him remembering that he and Sara used to get take out all the time before she... and he suddenly remembered that Sara was alive. Sara, his Sara was alive, and he had no idea how she was doing because he was so focused on figuring out the problem with Felicity that he hadn’t even talked to her yet.

Not even after the last mission. After she lost control because of the blood lust.

He was still trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened the last couple of days. And all he’s really wanted to do ever since Sara’s return was to wrap her into his arms and never let her go again.

But he didn’t know if it was appropriate to leave his angry girlfriend to talk to his… to Sara. The fact that he had barley seen and not spoken to her since returning her soul was driving him crazy and had him worried that it was all just a dream and that she was still dead and buried in her old grave. God knew that he had had enough of those dreams during the last year.

Dreams in which she came back to him.

Nightmares where he watched her die over and over and over again. Always trying to reach her and save her, but always failing.

Sometimes she was angry at him and blaming him for her murder, for every bad thing that had happened to her since the Gambit went down. For betraying her and everything they were, everything she had stood for. For letting Laurel become the Black Canary.

And he had welcomed every single one of them. Because he would’ve been fine with Sara hating him for the rest of his life if it meant having her back.

“I… I need to take care of something… I’ll be back in a little while.” He didn’t know if he was interrupting either of them and barley noticed that he passed Donna on his way to the door or the strange looks the Smoak women gave him when he all but fled the apartment. He felt like he had a heavyweight on his chest and he couldn’t breathe.

He had felt the beginnings of a panic attack even before he excused himself and fled the apartment. All he could think about was that he didn’t know how Sara was doing, and it was killing him. He couldn’t even imagine. He knew how hard it had been for him to come home after his five years away, but at least it had been five years for him too and he had known that things would be different. Sara had been dead, really dead this time for more than a year and so many things had changed during that time.  And then to add the blood lust that she was suffering from…

All he knew was that he needed to get out of there. He had felt as though the walls were closing in and he couldn’t breathe because of his fear that it was all just a dream that he would wake up from with her gone again. He needed to leave.

He didn’t take notice of his surroundings or where he was going. All he knew was that he needed to get away. That he needed to breathe, and he couldn’t do that back at the apartment. He only realized where he was after the door in front of him opened and he stared at his sister, who looked at him worriedly. “Ollie? What are you doing here? What’s wrong?”

He still couldn’t breathe which lead to him barely registering Thea’s worried questions and her pulling him inside the apartment. He wanted to answer her, but he couldn’t pull in the air he needed to do that. He wanted to ask her if Sara was home, but he was deathly afraid that all of it had been a dream and that asking Thea that question would only worry her even more and make her think he had finally lost it. If he asked her, and his fear came true. He needed to see Sara to make sure it hadn’t been a dream. That she was really back. But there was a heavyweight on his chest that made it impossible for him to speak. And he still couldn’t breathe. He was vaguely aware Thea was still talking to him, but he couldn’t hear her.

“Oliver are you okay?” He was confused for a second when his hearing seemed to have returned but the voice registering wasn’t his sister’s but Laurel’s. Laurel, who was suddenly standing right in front of him. Where did Laurel come from? “I…” he tried to get the dreaded words passed the lump in his throat, but he couldn’t breathe! And then he saw her at the edge of his vision, moving into the foyer towards him. He didn’t notice that he was holding his breath because he couldn’t believe his eyes. He didn’t trust that his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. It wouldn’t be the first time that he imagined her. His eyes drank her in, his mind still trying to process the fact that Sara, his Sara, was walking towards him. With her long blonde hair, those gorgeous azure eyes that were studying him intently. He could see her chest rising and falling with every breath she took and god, if that wasn’t the most beautiful thing his ever seen in his life. That one clear sign that left no doubt that she was alive.

“Ollie, what is it?” Sara moved towards him with a worried look on her face. God, he forgot how his name sounded coming from her lips. “Ollie breathe, you need to breathe.” He felt her hands touch his face registered and move down his throat just as he exhaled the breath he had been holding ever since he first saw her step into the room.  It wasn’t until that moment, registering her warm hands on his skin, being surrounded by her unique scent and feeling her breath against his neck, that his former thoughts actually registered. “Sara…” His hands seemed to move on their own accord, drawing her slight frame into his arms, the  on his chest finally lifted and he could breathe again for what felt like the first time in forever. “God, Sara…” He hugged her close and held onto her for dear life, breathing in her unique scent. Sara returned his embrace in kind. Clinging to him as though he was her lifeline.

“Ollie.”

Holding Sara in his arms again felt like coming home. He didn’t know what it was about her, and he had never been able to explain his feelings for the youngest Lance. All that mattered was that his Sara was back and that he couldn’t lose her again, not ever. Losing her that last time nearly destroyed him. All he knew was that every time he lost her, he lost a part of himself that only she could replace by coming back home to him. She became a part of him somewhere during their time together on Lian Yu. No one understood him the way she did. They went to hell and back together. They were the same. Now more than ever and Sara had always been just like him. His partner in crime. Growing up, the small blonde had been the brains behind the majority of the trouble the two of them (and sometimes Tommy) got into. He didn’t think there were any words in any language that could describe just what she meant to him. He loved Felicity with all of his heart there wasn’t even a question of that, but Sara has transcended to something that was so much more. She was a part of him. His reflection. They were two sides of the same coin; she was Yin to his Yang and he knew that he needed her the same way he needed air. His hands ran over her hair and back, moving to her arms, ensuring him she was really here. “I missed you.” He didn’t notice the looks Thea and Laurel were exchanging or the two of them leaving the apartment to give him and Sara some privacy. All he could register was the woman in his arms. “I missed you so much Sara.”


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara's reaction

Sara got off the couch and walked towards the foyer as soon as Thea’s and Laurel’s voices took on a slightly panicked edge on top of the worried ones from just a minute ago. There was no explanation needed. One look at the man with his back to the front door was all it took for her to understand the situation she walked into. Oliver was standing just inside the apartment. He was looking pale; his hands were shaking at his sides, and he seemed to have trouble breathing. It took her all of a second to realize that Oliver was having a panic attack, and she forced herself to stay calm and slowly walk towards him instead of rushing to him as every fiber of her being was urging her to.

“Ollie what is it?” she pitched her voice low, soothing and calm, not betraying her worry for him. There was no need to agitate him further. He was already struggling to breathe, and she could clearly make out the quick pounding of his heart under his shirt.

She slowly moved her hands towards his face, to ensure that he had plenty of time to stop her if he didn’t want to be touched in his current state. She knew from experience, hers and his, that whether or not human contact was helping, depended on the reason for the panic attack. This would be easier if she knew what had warranted his current state. She didn’t know enough of his current life to guess the reason for the panic attack and hoped that Oliver would shed some light on it by either telling her or subconsciously giving her a hint.

He didn’t move away as she advanced, and his eyes focused on her face. She finally put her hands on his cheeks and slowly moved them down his face and neck. “Ollie breathe, you need to breathe.”

His eyes closed the moment her hands made contact with his skin and his whole body seemed to relax while he first released the breath he had been holding just to take a deep breath shortly after. The next thing she knew was being enfolded in his strong arms while he was holding her in a crushing grip, whispering her name over and over again, like a prayer. Something in her chest seemed to shift, and a calmness overcame her the moment his arms wrapped around her. It took her only seconds to return his embrace just as fiercely. She felt like she could really breathe for the first time since her return. And the desperate need to take that had been there from the moment she came out of the pit seemed to quieten down to a small simmer that she barely registered.

All that mattered was the man who had his strong arms wrapped around her, holding her in a tight embrace. She clung to him desperately, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. She knew that she was only a hairsbreadth away from falling apart. Everything was just too much. The last couple of days, the memories of the things she had done. Her sister, her father and Thea… she had missed him so much during this time. Wished he was there with her while dealing with her family. Longed for his quiet understanding, comfort and support. Oliver had always been there for her and stood by her side when she needed him, and god, did she need him now. More than ever. She was so grateful that he was here now because she would’ve never asked him to come. Not after everything he’s already done for her. He had enough going on already, according to Laurel and Thea, without her adding to it. She didn’t want to burden him. But he came. He was here now. Holding her the way she had yearned for.

She was so focused on the feelings Oliver invoked in her and breathing in his scent to ground herself that it took her a moment to notice the wetness that she felt on her head. And another one to realize that what she felt were tears, Oliver’s tears.

“Ollie…” She barely managed to choke out his name before the dam broke and she shattered into a million pieces. Pieces she had tried so hard to keep together the last couple of days. For Laurel and her dad, who were so happy to have her back. And for Thea, who was shouldering the blame for something that wasn’t her fault (just like her big brother. Such a Queen thing to do).

She had needed to stay strong for them, but not anymore. Because she was finally home in Oliver’s arms and she knew that it was okay to fall apart. Because he would catch her. He’d always catch her. No matter what. He’d try to hold the shattered pieces of her broken being together. Do his best to mend her broken soul. Though she didn’t think it was possible this time. Not with the demons screaming underneath her skin. Her soul had been ripped from her and torn to shreds the Lazarus Pit was still clinging to. Pulling at the invisible strings that connected her with the dark waters that brought her back to life, that were the home of the demons screaming inside her head. But still she knew that he would understand. He had his own demons that he was battling every day. It was not the same, but still he understood what it meant to have a monster inside one's skin. Only he could. No one else. He was her rock, her sanctuary. Her save haven. Home, she was finally home.

 

 


	3. Shatter together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thea tries to understand what she witnesses

Thea was grateful for the frantic knocking on their front door. It gave her an excuse to leave the living room and its solemn atmosphere after Sara’s announcement. It also snapped her from her thoughts on how all of this was her fault. She was the reason that Sara was killed in the first place. She played a huge part in her resurrection and was responsible for the blonde suffering from the same blood lust she did. She knew firsthand what the Lazarus Pit did to people, and she still subjected Sara to the same hell she was currently living. She brought this on her friend. She was the one who damned Sara. A woman that she had cherished and looked up to for as long as she could remember. Someone she considered a sister, who had been a part of her life from the moment she was born. Sara had always been kind, fun and wild. The older woman had never treated her as a child, had included her in some of the mischief the blonde had gotten into in her younger years. She had hung out with her when Ollie, Tommy and Laurel excluded them both because they were younger than them. Those were just some of the numerous reasons the younger Lance sister used to be her favorite babysitter and person to spend time with.

And now Sara wanted to leave again… only days after they finally gotten her back… again… because of her. Because she was Sara’s murderer and Sara’s blood lust was demanding her death… but Sara refused to give in to her cravings and that was why she was leaving again. To protect Thea from herself. To keep her safe. 

Thea got up from her seat to let whoever was disturbing them at this time of the evening in and give the two sisters a moment alone at the same time. She didn’t know what or better who she had expected when she opened the front door, but her big brother was pretty much the last person. “Ollie?” At least tonight. Wasn’t he supposed to have dinner with Felicity and her mom? Why was he showing up now, tonight, when he was supposed to be somewhere else when he hadn’t before? Honestly, she had been surprised when Oliver hadn’t shown up the day after Sara’s soul was returned to her. She had expected him to come by and check on Sara days ago. Thea knew what the blonde meant to him. Just how much he had missed her. She would never forget their time on Lian Yu, the way he had been calling out for Sara in his sleep. She still had nightmares about it some times. The guilt nearly crushing her. She had caused her brother that pain. She had ignored his calls when he needed her the most. After Sara’s dead. Ollie was always there for her when she needed him and the one time that he had needed her and actually reached out to her she had let him down. She would never be able to forgive herself for that. For any of it. What she couldn’t understand is why Ollie, or Laurel, or Quentin and especially Sara didn’t hate her. How they managed to forgive her when she was incapable of forgiving herself. 

“What are you doing here?” She grew concerned after she had stepped aside to let him enter (which he usually did right away) and when she didn’t get a reaction from him after asking a question.

“What’s wrong?” She asked after she finally noticed his distressed appearance. Still no reaction, which was the reason she grabbed his arm, pulled him into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

He was starting to scare her.

He had moved inside when she made him, but stopped moving the moment she let go of his arm. Standing just inside, not seeming to hear her. She had never seen Oliver like this. His face was pale, and there was a thin sheen of sweat covering it. She noticed that his hands were shaking at his sides. He looked completely lost, and his breathing seemed shallow. For a moment she thought he would finally say something, but no words came out. She kept on trying to get him to talk to her and tell her what was wrong or how she could help. But he didn’t even seem to notice her. It almost seemed that he was looking straight through her, his mind a million miles away.

“Oliver are you okay?” Thea was relieved when Laurel showed up, hoping that her friend would know what to do. Laurel always seemed to know just what to do. No matter the situation. She tended to keep a clear head and focus on solving the problem.

Oliver’s eyes shifted to Laurel, and he looked confused for a moment, “I…” her brother tried to talk again but still seemed unable to get the words out. Laurel was still talking to him and she slowly started to be just as worried and at a loss of what to do to help Thea’s distressed brother as her.

Oliver then suddenly turned his head towards the living room while the shaking in his hands seemed to increase and his shallow breathing to stop altogether.

She was really freaking out now!

“Ollie, what is it?” Sara’s voice was calm and soothing as she slowly stepped into the foyer. Both Thea and Laurel watched the small woman approach Oliver. Every one of her moves seemed calm and calculated as she carefully approached her distressed brother. It reminded her of someone approaching a wounded animal.

Thea noticed how her brother’s eyes were fixed on the blonde until Sara’s hands slowly touched his cheeks and his eyes closed while his face took on the most peaceful expression she had ever seen on him. 

“Ollie breathe, you need to breathe.” 

The tiny brunette watched fascinated as Oliver’s whole being seemed to completely relax and all the tension drain from his body. The next thing she registered was Oliver having pulled Sara in a bone crushing embrace in what seemed to be the blink of an eye. Whispering her name repeatedly. Oliver’s face was hidden in Sara’s blonde hair, but she noticed how his shoulders started to shake and his voice took on a choked quality… was Oliver crying?

She started to feel slightly uncomfortable as if she were intruding and she looked towards Laurel. The older woman seemed to think along those same lines because she slightly nodded at her questioning look before picking up her keys and motioning towards the front door behind Oliver. Thea was just about to move past the two blondes in their tight embrace when she heard Sara’s broken “Ollie…” right before she collapsed sobbing in the tall man’s arms.

A shiver ran down her back. She didn’t know what to do or how to process the scene she just witnessed and looked helplessly towards Laurel as the two of them moved outside.

Oliver and Sara were two of the strongest people she knew. They never lost their cool or control over their emotions. They rarely showed their feelings and never fell apart. At least not in front of people. And seeing them completely shatter together chilled her to the core.

She also knew that what she and Laurel just witnessed was private and that neither one of the pair would’ve wanted them to see them this vulnerable. They were both very private people who didn’t like to show any weaknesses.

“C’mon Thea let’s go grab a cup of coffee.” Laurel’s idea sounded fantastic. She needed to get some distance to deal with what she just saw. And maybe talking to Laurel about it over a cup of coffee was just the way to do that. She speared one last glance towards the now closed front door before joining Laurel on her way to the elevator.

 

 


	4. Falling apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laurel comes to some realizations

Laurel got up to check what was going on after she heard Thea’s worried voice. She was taken aback by the scene that she found in her foyer. Oliver looked like hell, pale and sweating and shaking, breathing shallowly and erratically. She couldn’t remember a time she had seen him like this, and she had known him since first grade.

She was scared about what might have happened to give Oliver ‘I’m in complete control of my emotions at all times’ Queen a freaking panic attack. Something horrible must have happened. Maybe with Felicity? Or Dig?

“Oliver what’s wrong?” She walked towards him, trying to calm him down and find out what happened at the same time. He looked at her bewildered for a moment as if he didn’t recognize her and her presence confused him but then seemed to try to answer her question.

“I…” Just to stop before starting and his focus shifted to something behind her. She turned around just in time to hear her sister’s quiet, steady voice ask: “Ollie what is it?” while she slowly and carefully approached the tall man. Laurel could see the barely hidden worry in Sara’s crystal blue eyes and the inner struggle she seemed to have while she kept her movement slow, deliberate and smooth. Making sure that her actions were obvious to anyone watching, but Laurel was sure that those were only meant for Ollie. Sara slowly lifted her hands and moved them towards Oliver’s face.

The way her baby sister seemed to know exactly what to do in this unfamiliar situation and how to handle the usually very composed man in his agitated state impressed her. The brunette watched fascinated how Oliver’s eyes fell closed the moment Sara’s hands touched his cheeks and how the small woman moved them down his throat as if to emphasize her words: “Ollie breathe, you need to breathe.” Oliver followed her calmly whispered command without a moment’s hesitation, breathing in and out in the same pattern that her hands were stroking his throat. Just to suddenly pull her into his arms. “God, Sara...” He seemed to hold on to her for dear life while he buried his face in the blonde’s hair. Sara appeared to return the hug just as fiercely.

Laurel’s position made it obvious to her that Oliver was crying while repeating her sister's name like a mantra, clutching her even tighter, giving the impression that he was trying to pull her inside his chest so he never had to let her go again.

He loved her.

This realization hit her like a sledgehammer.

Oliver loved Sara.

She had wondered about them for years, and why they did what they had done. If it had just been about sex or the thrill to screw behind her back and getting away with it. Or maybe Sara getting back at her for one thing or other and Oliver trying to sabotage himself, as he was known to do.

Not knowing the reason why, they had had an affair behind her back had driven her just as crazy as the question how long it had been going on before the Gambit. Both questions remained unanswered to this day. She wasn’t even sure anymore if she wanted to know. If it still mattered.

She had been furious when she had found out about their renewed romance after Sara first returned. Still not knowing what it was about her own sister (goddamnit) that made a relationship with the blonde possible even after everything while a relationship with her was “too much”. She had assumed that it was about comfort and both of them knowing what it was like to be gone for so long and probably sex. She was talking about Oliver and Sara here after all. Plus, both of them being vigilantes. She knew they cared about each other. There was never a question about that they had been friends for years. 

But seeing them together now, really for the first time ever with none of their usual walls up, it was clear as day. They loved each other. They didn’t feel the need to pretend, hide their emotions and be strong. They trusted the other enough to be vulnerable. 

She motioned to a shaken Thea that they should leave them alone while grabbing her keys and walking out the door. She turned around to grab the door handle but stopped before she closed the door, when she saw Oliver’s legs give out from under him, just as a broken "Ollie..." was choked out by the woman in his arms, and he was slowly sinking to the floor, still holding on to Sara and pulling her into his lap while he pushed his knees up to cradle her between his legs and chest while her sister wrapped her legs around his hips, now being completely wrapped around the muscular man, crying hysterically while clutching desperately at his shoulders. Oliver’s hands were moving over her back and hair in a soothing pattern, trying to calm her but still crying himself.

God, she did this to Sara. She did this to her sister because she hadn’t wanted to listen. Not to Nyssa who loved Sara desperately nor Malcom whose fault her death was in the first place. And essentially not to Oliver either. That’s why she hadn’t told him. She had known that he would’ve done everything in his power to stop her. 

 _“She deserves a proper burial, she’s earned it… She’s home…”_ Laurel could hear the ghost of Ollie’s voice in her head, closing the door with one last glance back at two of the most important people in her life falling apart in each other’s arms, knowing that there was nothing she could to for them except to give them the privacy, time and space they needed to try and mend at least part of what was broken by Sara’s death and her resurrection.

Because Laurel had finally realized that Oliver had never grieved her sister, _a woman that he loved._ He had been so focused on finding her killer, avenging her death and everything that followed after with the league. He had put his emotions aside to take care of everyone else so they all got to mourn Sara. And once all of this had been taken care of, he had left with Felicity. Never taking the time to grieve and say goodbye.

“C’mon Thea let’s go grab a cup of coffee.”  


	5. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver tries to weather the storm of Sara's emotional meltdown

Oliver wasn’t sure whose legs gave out first. All he noticed was the two of them crumbling to the floor and he held on to Sara even tighter to ensure that she wouldn’t fall and hurt herself. He slightly lifted her small frame while he hit the floor just to place her in the cradle this new position created with his legs and chest. Sara’s arms squeezed him even tighter and her grip around his neck was almost painful, her nails digging into his skin, she wrapped her legs around him as soon as he placed her into his lap squeezing just as tightly as she did with her arms. 

He could feel the waterfall of her tears on his neck where her face was buried. Her whole body was shaking from the force of her cries. He registered that he was crying too, but that knowledge was pushed to the corner of his mind when he noticed that Sara’s breathing became shallow while her crying turned hysterical. He eased the death grip he had on her in favor of using his hands to stroke her back and hair in a slow, soothing pattern, hoping that it helped her calm down. Whispering words in three different languages into her ear that not even Tatsu’s meditation techniques would be able to help him recall. But that was fine. The words didn’t matter anyway not to him and not to her. Comfort and letting her know that it was okay to fall apart because he was here for her was what he was trying to convey to her. And that he would always be here for her. That she could lay it all on him and that he could handle it. That he would carry the burden for her if she let him. He could be strong for her. Be whatever she needed him to be.

Hearing Sara wail in desperation sent a shiver down his spine, and he felt as if his heart was being squeezed too tight and ripped apart at the same time.

She had run back to the League and Nanda Parbat because she couldn’t see the light that shone so very brightly inside of her. Only focusing on the darkness that had tried to swallow her. Listening to the demons in her head that told her she was a killer and that it was all she’d ever be. Not capable of believing him when he told her just how wrong she was. Drowning in her pain and self-loathing, not understanding that she was his light, had been for years. Showing him the way. She was his very own Polaris, always there to guide him through the darkness that was trying to swallow him whole, repelling the demons in his mind. And now, because of the Lazarus Pit, she had finally become the thing she had been so afraid of. A Killer. A Killer with no control over her actions. Incapable of stopping herself once the blood lust took over. Just like Slade. Or Roy.

_“Roy isn’t Roy. He’s not himself anymore he’s too far gone. – I don’t believe that…What are you doing? – What needs to be done.”_

He could recall their conversation as if it were yesterday. This had been the beginning of the end of them. Is this how she saw herself now? As too far gone? And if she did… just how far would Sara be willing to go to protect the people she loved from herself?

He knew how Thea struggled; she tried to hide it from him, but he could still see it. But Thea was not a killer. Taking a life did not come naturally to her. It wasn’t something that his sister was used to doing.

Sara’s body count on the other hand was probably right up there with his… if not higher. After all, she spent over four years as an assassin. Controlling herself not to kill had been hard enough before. He knew letting someone live during a fight was often so much harder than just finishing them off. He couldn’t even imagine how much she must be struggling now. And there was nothing scarier than not being in control of your own body and actions.

He knew that she was willing to do whatever it took to protect her loved ones from danger… but what did that mean if SHE was the danger? He couldn’t help the feeling of dread that was spreading through his body. He just got her back…

God, he wished there was something he could to. If he could trade places with her, he would… in less than a heartbeat. She didn’t deserve this. Was she ever going to be done paying for his sins and failures?

“Sshhhhhh, breathe Sara, you need to breathe. In and out…” He barely noticed how their roles had changed and he was repeating the same words she had told him earlier.

He had no idea how long they’ve been sitting on the floor. It could’ve been minutes, hours or even days when he noticed Sara finally quietening down and her breathing returning to normal even though it would hitch every once in a while.

His shirt was wet where her head was laying. The grip her hands had on his back, neck and shoulders, he was sure he would have bruises at the least… possibly even scratch marks on them, eased and she started to slowly stroke his shoulders and upper arms in a very familiar way that felt like home. And brought him an immense sense of peace. Her actions coupled with her slowing breathing had a lulling effect on him, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. His heavy eyelids reminded him that he hadn’t gotten a proper nights sleep in days. 

Her breathing evened out after a while and her hands stopped moving, the pressure of her legs around his hips eased from crushing to being loosely wrapped around him.

Oliver slowly moved his head so he could make out her face. He shifted her carefully just to see her closed eyes. She had cried herself to sleep. He kissed the crown of her head and slowly scooted backwards so he could lean the upper half of his back on the wall, making sure that she had enough space for her legs without him crushing them. He then placed his head on top of hers, closing his eyes and letting his exhaustion take over. Joining Sara in the land of dreams.

 


	6. Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity gets an explanation for Oliver's earlier behavior.

Felicity couldn’t believe Oliver’s audacity! As if it weren’t bad enough that he apparently texts with her mother, her MOTHER! when and how did that happen?!, but he then had to invite her to stay with them?! Not to forget the fact that he promised he would make them dinner, not that she had time for all of this, Ray was still in trouble!, just to show up extremely late and then leave again less than five minutes after showing up?! And with no explanation, mind you. What had just happened? She so did not need this right now. She had enough going on as it was. She probably wouldn’t have minded Oliver’s fast departure, it did mean that he wasn’t bothering or distracting her and trying to get her to do everything except find a way to help Ray, if it weren’t for the fact that she was now left alone with Donna. The biggest distraction possible. Her mother was just so infuriating and annoying. How could Oliver do this to her? He knew that she didn’t want her mother here, and that she did not have time for this. Was this another one of his plans to get her to take a break? Well, she would tell him exactly what she thought of that when he returned home.

 

“You know what mom? Let’s go out and have dinner.” She just decided that she was done sitting around and waiting for Oliver. They’ve already been waiting for him for hours.

 

“Are you sure hon? Maybe we should wait for him.” Her mom sounded unsure and slightly concerned. 

 

“No mom, we’ve been waiting for hours and I’m starving.” She got up and grabbed her purse, walking towards the door, waiting for Donna. Donna stood uncertainly for a moment before following her annoyed daughter out the door.

 

The two Smoak women walked into Big Belly Burger and looked around for an empty table. That was when Felicity saw Captain Lance sit at a table by himself. She stood just inside the restaurant, uncertain when the older man spotted her and waved her over. 

 

“Hello Felicity. What brings you here this time of the evening?” his voice was friendly but slightly curious. 

 

“Well, Oliver had promised to cook dinner but apparently something more important came up.” She realized too late just how bitter and snippy she sounded. Lance looked at her questioningly and was just about to say something when she hastily added: “Captain Lance this is my mother Donna Smoak, mom this is Captain Lance a close family friend of Oliver and Thea’s.” to stop him from asking questions she really didn’t feel like answering right now. Plus, she didn’t really know the answer as to where her missing boyfriend was or why he had left. 

 

“It is nice to meet you Captain.” Her mother said charming as ever while offering him her hand. 

 

 

“Likewise and call me Quentin.”

Felicity and Donna ordered their food soon after, and they spent the meal enjoying light conversation. The older man thankfully referred from asking questions concerning Oliver’s absence. She was pretty sure it was thanks to her mother. Felicity had to admit the older blonde was a blessing right now, not that she would ever tell her or anyone, really, that. The thought had just barely crossed her mind when she unfortunately had to recount it.

 

“I think we should order something for Oliver and take it with us. What do you think, hon? He didn’t look too good when he left.” Donna sounded concerned. She could restrain herself from uttering the snippy and sarcastic comment that sprang to her mind at the last minute. Mostly because Lance seemed to take this as his cue to ask the questions he hadn’t until now. 

 

“Why what happened to Oliver?” the former detective’s interest seemed to be piqued now. 

 

“Well…” her mother started to answer, but Felicity interrupted her with an annoyed “Mom!”. Both of the older adults looked taken aback by her sudden outburst, and an awkward silence followed. The quiet was made even more obvious given the comfortable atmosphere and nice conversation they had enjoyed during dinner. 

 

Lance suddenly perked up and waved his hand toward someone behind the Smoak women. Felicity turned around just as Lance called whoever he saw over: “Laurel, Thea over here.” She saw the two brunettes walk to their table. Thank God! This should lighten the mood and give them a change of subject. They sat down, and the five of them small talked for a while, her outburst and the awkward moment form before forgotten for the time being. Until the only man at the table turned to his daughter with a confused look on his face. 

 

“Where’s your sister?” 

 

Felicity perked up at the question, suddenly wondering about the other Lance’s absence. She hadn’t had the chance to spend any actual time with Sara yet, and she was looking forward to it. She had missed her friend and she couldn’t wait to catch her up on everything that had happened in the last year. The blonde then noticed the strange look Laurel and Thea were exchanging, wondering what that was all about. 

 

“Please tell me she hasn’t already managed to get herself in trouble again.” 

 

It looked like Quentin had noticed the silent conversation between the two brunettes, too. 

“No, dad, she’s not in any trouble. At least she wasn’t when we left. It has been a couple of hours though. She’s at home.” Laurel explained, yet not really. Why would Sara stay home and not join the other two for dinner? It seemed strange to her Sara was close with both Laurel and Thea. Why wouldn’t she want to spend time with them? Plus Sara loved burgers, so her staying home instead of coming with them made no sense to her at all.

 

“Speaking of a couple of hours… how much longer do you think we should wait before going home?” Thea looked at Laurel questioningly. And Felicity’s confusion was just getting worse with everything any of the two said. What was going on?

 

“I don’t know. But I guess I’d wait another hour, or maybe two? I really don’t want to intrude, and I think they really need this Thea.” Laurel sounded slightly concerned. 

 

“Yeah, I get that. I mean, I really don’t want to interrupt them. I just… Do you really think a couple of hours is enough? I’ve never… god, I’ve never seen either of them like this. I just… what if it can’t be fixed? They looked so broken, Laurel.” Oliver’s little sister was very emotional and appeared to be close to bursting into tears. Laurel reached out and took one of her hands in hers and looked at her in understanding.

 

What were they talking about? Who were they talking about? Well, Sara obviously, but who was the other person? Sin? Or maybe Nyssa? Did she know Sara was alive? Felicity felt completely lost with the conversation, and a quick glance around confirmed that her mom and Quentin were in the same boat as her.

 

“Thea…” Laurel started in a very serious but warm voice. “I’m honestly not sure that this is something that can be fixed. Neither can they. Look… maybe Nyssa and Malcom were right.” Felicity straightened up at that. Why would anyone EVER agree with anything either of those two people said? So, Nyssa maybe… but Malcom? And why would Laurel of all people agree with him? What was going on here? 

 

“Don’t get me wrong. I love having Sara back and I missed her so much, but I never considered what this would mean for her. The consequences this would have for her. And that she won’t talk to any of us about it because she doesn’t want to bother us or make us feel bad or guilty or carrying the burden of the consequences of our actions. But I’m sure, now more than ever, that if anyone can help her, it’s Ollie. I think he might be the only person she’d actually open up to. As for Oliver… I think he’s going to be okay, eventually. It took seeing them together tonight for me to realize that Oliver never dealt with loosing Sara. He was so focused on helping us come to terms with her absence and dealing with everything that was going on at the time that he just pushed all of his feelings aside and never took the time to say goodbye. Which I’m sure was the reason for his uncharacteristically emotional state from earlier. I guess it hadn’t sunk in yet that she’s really back until he actually held her in his arms.” Laurel took her time and seemed very thoughtful during her explanation and the conclusion she had reached after watching Oliver’s reaction to her sister and chose her words carefully given Donna’s presence.

 

Laurel’s words reminded her of Oliver’s over a year ago, after Sara had died.

 

_“If I grieve nobody gets to.”_

 

And she felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach. She should have been there for him. Should’ve helped him grieve after everything with the League was over. This was Sara that they were talking about. Oliver’s Sara. She knew how much the other blonde meant to him. It was all so obvious now. How had she not seen this before? Of course, her resurrection would have an impact on him, and he wasn’t okay. And all she had done the last couple of days was snap at him and subconsciously blame him for what happened to Ray and why she hadn’t been there to help her ex-boyfriend. And Oliver had taken it all and tried to help her. Being patient and understanding. Pushing his own feelings aside, as usual. She had been such a bitch to him instead of the person he could count and lean on in this situation. She should’ve been there for him. She should’ve realized that he wasn’t just going to be fine.

 

“You’ve seen Oliver?” The question came out of her mouth without thinking. Of course, they’ve seen Oliver. They just mentioned that. “Is he okay?” and the stupid questions just kept on coming. Felicity could’ve hit herself when she saw Thea and Laurel exchange another one of those looks. 

 

“He will be eventually. I think. And yeah, he showed up at our place a while ago to see Sara.” Laurel answered her questions but seemed unsure whether she should. Felicity was just about to ask another question when Laurel continued: “Look Felicity I get that you probably have some questions given the conversation Thea and I just had… but it’s not our place to answer those, not that we really have the answers. Both Oliver and Sara are very private people that don’t like to share their emotions, you know that. Thea and I inadvertently ended up witnessing a very private moment between them that neither one would’ve let happen had they been in a different state of mind.” Laurel seemed to choose her words very carefully to ensure that she wasn’t saying too much. And violate their privacy. 

 

Felicity’s breath suddenly hitched at the words _“very private moment… neither one would've let happen”_ what had happened between her boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend? They wouldn’t, right? And definitely not in front of their respective sister. But then again Laurel had said that they _“inadvertently had witnessed…“_  which means they hadn’t meant to. So maybe Oliver and Sara hadn’t been aware of their presence? Part of her felt bad having those thoughts and questioning both her boyfriend and her friend. But given the fact that she knew their history and how Oliver and Sara had started out as an affair, could people really blame her for having thoughts along that line? But they were young back then. They wouldn’t do that now, right? Oliver loved her. Sara was her friend. Felicity’s eyes strayed to Laurel for a moment. Oliver had loved Laurel, everyone knew that. And Sara had been her sister. Her mind couldn’t help but go to that place even more so after it reminded her of the way she had treated her boyfriend the last couple of weeks. But they wouldn’t… would they?

 

 


	7. Paralyzed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I had to change the rating and warnings, you can blame it on Sara.

Sara desperately tried to hold on to the comforting oblivion of an unusually dreamless sleep and struggled against waking up. She could slowly feel herself lose the battle as awareness was pushing at the edge of her mind.

 

The first thing her semi-conscious mind noticed was that she couldn’t move. She was pinned against a firm chest, trapped by a pair of strong arms that were tightly wrapped around her, making her feel as if she were being squeezed to death by a python. Her eyes sprang open, and her whole body tensed when the panic set in. _She was suddenly back on the Freighter being dragged out of her cell by the pirates, Anthony,  Hendrick slamming her to the floor choking her, washed ashore of Lian Yu Ivo’s former men and prisoners making sure she knew just what they thought of her “Ivo’s little bouzin“, members of the league teaching her a lesson,… hands all over her body, holding, pushing, hurting, hurting, taking what was not theirs to take…_  she frightfully gasped for air. 

 

Just to calm down after the first couple of breaths. Her body slowly relaxing as the familiar smell of home registered in her mind.

 

The muscular arms and solid chest no longer felt threatening but reassuring and dear to her. Her eyes fell closed again in relief and her arms, that had tensed in preparation to push at and hit the presumed threat, loosened up just to hold on to the broad shoulders and neck a little tighter. Pulling herself closer. 

 

Ollie.

 

She was with Ollie. She was safe.

 

Sara nestled her head between his neck and shoulder, breathing in his unique scent while her frantic heartbeat slowed down to its normal, steady rhythm. She burrowed into him, trying to get even closer, albeit it being impossible, his hold on her was so tight that there was no space left between them, but she still tried to snuggle closer, to somehow get absorbed by his body. Trying desperately to make the world and her new reality disappear.

 

She wasn’t ready yet to face the truth. The truth that she had now truly become a monster. A monster with an unquenching thirst for blood. She recalled how much better and calmer she had felt after giving in to the blood lust and killing mercilessly. Not that she had been given any other choice as to surrender to the voices of the demons in her mind and do their bidding as they whispered to take, take, take. Take the life she was holding in her lethal hands. Let the violence take over, relinquish the little control she had over her blood lust and actions and to just ride the unbelievable high that came with the brutality with which she had committed the murder and every additional, unnecessary drop of blood she had spilled just increased the exhilaration.

 

She was scared, more scared than she remembered ever being. She had no control over her body once the red haze and twisted darkness in her took over. No way of restraining herself, of stopping before an attack became a kill with the relive that the blood-smeared hands brought, at least until the haze cleared and reality set back in, bringing with it the utter horror of what she had done.  

She was dangerous.

 

Reigning in the desire to take revenge for her murder took everything she had out of her. Keeping her hands in check and pushing the demons voices to the deepest, darkest corner of her mind whenever Thea was close drove her to the brink of insanity and demanded every ounce of self-control she could muster. God, she was more afraid of herself and what her weary hands might do to the young woman she considered as much a sister as she did Laurel than she had ever been of the pirates on the Amazo or Anthony, after he had let his true colors show and she had realized with horror that her savior was not a knight in shining armor but a devil in disguise. Even a Mirakuru induced Slade or Ra’s al Ghul himself never managed to scare her as much as she did herself right now.

 

Sara knew that Oliver would want to talk about the Lazarus Pit and the blood lust once he was awake. But how was she supposed to tell him about her thirst for blood? How the demons in her mind begged for his beloved baby sister’s blood? How her hands twitched in anticipation and need to feel the knife, hidden on her body at all times, slide into the tiny brunette. How she could almost feel and taste the blood on her hands and the satisfaction, relief and utter peace this unspeakable and unforgivable crime would bring her.

 

One of the only things keeping her from giving in to the promise of peace was the certain knowledge that she did not deserve any kind of peace. Not after everything she did before her death, and unquestionably not now after her resurrection and all the horrible crimes she had committed since her rebirth in the Lazarus Pit.

 

She couldn’t stay here.

 

She had to leave because all it took was one moment. One moment for her to slip up and lose the precarious hold she had on the chains that held her demons back, one second for her to carry out the unforgivable sin. To execute the unthinkable and murder sweet, loving and innocent Thea in cold blood. 

 

She’d much sooner cut out her own heart before laying a hand on the girl whose mother she had sworn to protect her and take care of her no matter what at the tender age of 14 right before she watched the then 6-year-old for the very first time. A promise she had always taken seriously. Even in her rebellious phase during her teenage years. When she enjoyed going to every extreme possible, chasing any high she could get, trying anything and everything she could get her hands on and away with in the name of having fun. But never when she was supposed to watch the youngest Queen. Not even when Ollie and Tommy tried to get her to take part in their private party (trying whatever money had made possible for them to get their hands on) after little Thea had gone to sleep.

 

There was nothing she wanted more than to just crawl under Oliver’s skin and hide inside of him for the rest of her life. The voices in her head had never been as quiet and far away as they were right now while everything Oliver surrounded her. His arms, body and smell. It was almost as if his presence alone was repelling the demons under her skin and muting their voices. The unquenching thirst and gnawing hunger for blood that was constantly tormenting her seemed far away. Not gone, never gone, but bearable. Her skin no longer felt stretched too tight over her bones, it finally fit again, and her hands weren’t itching for the next kill.

 

Sara didn’t dare to move. She barely allowed herself to breathe out of fear of waking up her sanctuary and loosing this oasis of peace and quiet. Her save haven. It was due to her complete stillness in his arms that she could pinpoint the exact moment Oliver stirred. His tells of waking up were small, almost unnoticeable she probably wouldn’t have picked up on them right away if she weren’t completely motionless. She felt his fingers on her back flex just the tiniest bit, the rise of his chest as he pulled in a deep breath reverberated in her own, the twitch of his right leg (she was pretty sure he never got the surgery to actually get his knee fixed properly) for being in the same position for too long. All those signs pointed towards Oliver being close to waking up, but not quite there yet. Sara wondered if he might be fighting the same battle against reality as she had an unknown amount of time ago. But still she did not dare move. 

 

Oliver’s strong hands were slowly moving up her ribcage now just to stop in the middle of her shoulder blades respectively, only his thumbs didn’t still. They were stroking her on both sides of her spine in a slow and comforting pattern almost as if he was aware of her feelings and trying to give her some kind of reassurance that he would not shatter her peace, now slowly nuzzling his cheek against her head in addition to stroking her back. If only they could stay just like this forever. Only him and her. No one else.

 

The entire world had fallen away until all there was, all that mattered was Oliver Jonas Queen.


	8. Promise Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Sara talk.

Oliver slowly regained consciousness when he felt the small body in his arms tense, just to relax and pull herself closer to him. He waited for a beat, expecting more movement from the blonde, expecting her to be waking up. But she stayed perfectly still. He wondered if she was awake, given the fact there was no more movement on Sara’s end. He carefully shifted so he could stretch his right leg, which felt stiff and slightly sore after being in a bent position for hours. He tried to make sure that his movements wouldn’t jolt her too much in case she was still/ fell back asleep.

 

He was sure she was awake after there was no reaction on her end, given his movements. And she just stayed in the exact same position she has been in since pulling herself closer to him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her face pressed into his neck and her legs still wrapped around his torso. She was too still to be asleep. He slowly moved his hands up her back and started to move his thumbs in a soothing pattern, while rubbing his cheek on her head, just breathing her in and pressing a kiss to her golden crown. 

 

Something was bothering her, he was sure of it, but he didn’t want to disturb the temporary peace that they were granted.

 

He would give her as much time as she needed. 

 

Oliver rested his cheek on Sara’s head and closed his eyes. His hands stroked her back and hair, simply basking in her company. Part of him wondered what she was thinking about. But not enough to break the comfortable silence and peaceful atmosphere that they found themselves in. He was also sure that she’d tell him once she was ready. They had time. Besides, he could stay like this forever. Having his Sara back in his arms. Time seized to exist in her presence, and everything else lost its meaning. The universe seemed to shift until Sara became its center in the rare, quiet moments they were awarded alone together. 

 

The woman in his arms suddenly shifted and thrust back into his hands, while hers travelled from his back to his shoulders, lifting her head from its resting place between his neck and shoulder, pushing slightly against his shoulders. She slowly untangled her legs from around his waist, putting her feet on the ground next to his hips but keeping her knees bent. He understood right away and loosened his grip on her enough so she could look at him without craning her neck.

 

“Hey…” She cleared her throat when she noticed how hoarse she sounded. The result of the hours she had spent crying before finally falling asleep from sheer exhaustion.

 

 “Hi.” Oliver smiled at her tenderly. “How are you feeling?” it was easy to detect the slight concern in his voice even though it was just barely above a whisper and crystal blue eyes studied cerulean hues carefully. 

 

“Honestly?” Sara considered lying for a minute, but this was Ollie she was talking to. Besides, he’d know that she was lying. He could always tell. Just like she could always tell when he was lying. They’ve known each other for too long, have been through too much together to lie to one another. There was no point and no need to. They would never judge the other. So, she continued with the truth after a short nod from him: “I’m not sure.”

 

Part of her hoped that he accepted the answer and let it go, but the bigger part knew better. 

 

“Sara… talk to me. Please.” Her name was uttered on an exhale, his eyes serious. He wanted to know, he needed to know. It was imperative for him to know. He would not leave until she talked to him. Really talked. No bullshitting him or half answers. He knew that they both sucked when it came to talking about their feelings. But they did talk to each other if the situation required it, or they needed to clear their mind and get something off of their chest. And this was one of those moments. Sara needed to talk to someone about her feelings, even if she’d never admit it. Stubborn as she was.

 

Sara studied his face for long moments, gathering her thoughts. Before closing her eyes and exhaling deeply. She shifted a little further back from him after opening her eyes and moved her hands from his shoulders to his biceps. Holding on to him to steady herself mentally and ground herself to the here and now. To remind herself where she was and who she was with.

 

“Honestly, I don’t know Ollie. Everything seems kind of muddled. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I lost a whole year and everything that’s happened during it. Or well, the parts Laurel, Thea and dad told me about. It’s a lot.” Her eyes stayed glued to his during her explanation. 

 

The vigilante wondered for a moment what his sister and Laurel might have told her. He knew he was in trouble once Sara found out about the League and Ra’s and Malcom. The thought was only fleeting knowing that this was not the time nor place for that conversation or better said argument. 

 

His hands, which had stopped moving while she was talking, now resumed rubbing her back soothingly. “I get that. It can’t be easy…hell, I can’t even imagine what it must be like.“ Oliver looked at her in understanding. 

 

“Yeah, it’s a lot. And I think I might have lost some of my memories. I don’t… mom mentioned something that I can’t remember, no matter how hard I try, and I should be able to remember it, Ollie. I mean, all of this alone is hard enough to wrap my head around. But then there’s the blood lust. That’s an extremely accurate name Thea gave it. I can’t… I don’t know how to control it. I can’t control it Ollie, there’s this thing inside of me that thirsts for blood, that craves the kill and I don’t know how to control it. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before… there were moments when I wanted to kill someone, but I could always stop if I needed to, but now I just… I just can’t stop. It’s almost as if someone or something else is in control of my body and there is nothing I can do to stop it.” Sara looked terrified during her description. Which said everything, given the fact that there weren’t a lot of things left that scared the former assassin anymore. 

 

Oliver took a deep, pained breath. 

 

“Sara…” he started but stopped once he realized that he had no clue what he was going to say. What could he say? There was no cure for the blood lust. There was nothing he could do. Well, except being there for her.

 

“Look Ollie, I know what you’re going to say. But we both know that this time around there’s nothing you can do to help me. And that I can’t stay here. Not until I’ve figured this thing out. I need to learn how to control it, and I can’t do that here. I’m a danger to everyone right now, and especially Thea. I am not willing to risk her life. Not now and not ever.” Sara’s voice was soft but determined. She moved her hands from his arms to his cheek during her speech, holding his face lovingly in a familiar manner. 

 

“I’m sorry that I’m putting you through this again, Oliver.”  

 

He realized she had made up her mind and just like two years ago there was nothing he could say or do to stop her. His bird once again needed to fly free. And the last thing he’d ever do was try to cage her. He could feel his throat close up and it felt as if someone was squeezing his heart with an iron fist. He gulped. 

 

“Okay… just… I understand… just promise me one thing?” he waited for her to nod in confirmation.

“Don’t disappear on me again. Just… just please stay in touch and let me know how you’re doing? I just need to know that you’re okay.” His eyes were pained but serious and his voice hoarse. 

 

Sara bit her lip but nodded once again: “Okay, I can do that.“ he drew her back into his arms after she agreed. 

 

“I’m really going to miss you, Sara.” The fact that he was pressing his face against her neck and shoulder muffled the words.

 

“I’ll miss you too, Ollie.” Sara’s arms tightened around his neck.

 

“And don’t forget you can always come back home. I’ll always be here when you need me, no matter what. You are not alone, Sara. Not ever!” He needed to make sure she knew that. “Together.” He needed to make sure she understood. 

 

“I know. Thank you. And thank you for understanding.” She laid her head on his shoulder, holding him close, rubbing her thumbs up and down his neck. He kissed her shoulder and just held on to her. Trying to commit everything about her to his memory. His Canary, his Sara. His best friend, his heart. His home. 


	9. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thea contemplates her brother's relationships and clears up a possible misunderstanding.

Thea whole heartedly agreed with Laurel. What was currently going on between Oliver and Sara was between the two of them and no one else’s business. Plus, she was pretty sure her brother would be majorly pissed at them if Laurel and she shared his and Sara’s very private reunion with his girlfriend. She still wasn’t sure what she was supposed to make of it herself. She knew that Ollie loved Felicity a lot. There was no question of that… but… seeing him with the other blonde in his life tonight… it made her wonder… Oliver and Felicity were very obviously in love. Almost sickeningly so sometimes. All lovey-dovey… well, not the last couple of days, but still… they were in love. 

 

Oliver and Sara had never been like that. Nothing about any of their involvements had been obvious. They were more private. You never would’ve guessed that they were more than friends if you didn’t know or hadn’t been paying attention two years ago. It were small things that “gave them away in public” kind of, anyway. A lingering touch or look, a short squeezing of hands. No PDA, no honey or sweetie’s. She hadn’t even known that they had resumed their previous relationship (if you could call an (probably) illicit affair (not that anyone knew how long they had been involved before the Gambit or if they had been involved before the Gambit, even thought she was pretty sure the second one was a YES) behind Laurel’s back that) until she had walked in on them one night.

 

But what she had witnessed earlier made it very obvious that what Oliver and Sara had hadn’t just been about sex. Their interaction was so much more intimate than sex and simple friendship. Or anything she had observed between him and his current girlfriend. 

 

Oliver had let his guard down. Oliver never let his guard down, at least not like that. He doesn’t let people see him vulnerable. He doesn’t let people see him weak. Yet, there had been no hesitation tonight. Ollie had let Sara see his weakness, had laid himself bare in front of her without a moment’s thought or hesitation. As if it were the most normal thing in the world. Just as her breaking down in his arms and the way they came together in their pain seemed to come naturally to them. 

 

It was pure chance and the fact that she was thinking about Oliver and Sara and sex well kind of, that she looked at Felicity while contemplating how different Oliver acted around the two blondes in his life, when Laurel made the comment about said very private moment and she noticed the look on the IT geniuses’ face and the way she tensed. Which was why Thea easily caught on to Felicity’s train of thoughts and she suddenly exclaimed: “Oh my god, not that kind of private! Jeez Laurel you make it sound like they banged right in front of us! Which would’ve been way gross, and I would now be scarred for life. They were so not intimate in the physical way and believe me, I should know. Been there, saw the beginning of that like two years ago and so don’t plan to see my brother in any position like that ever again! Nice choice of words, Laurel.” Thea made her voice sound flippant, amused, and rolled her eyes dramatically for emphasis on how ridiculous the whole idea sounded. 

 

She did it in a way to clear the situation up, reinsure her brother’s girlfriend and lighten the mood all at once.  Her reaction seemed to have the desired effect and relieve Felicity, who visibly relaxed. But she just couldn’t get the picture of the two of them crying in each other’s arms out of her mind. It seemed to be so much more intimate than sex ever could be. There was just something about Sara that brought a side of her brother’s forward that no one else seemed to be able to. A side he hid from everyone but Sara. This made her feel slightly guilty. She felt as if she were misleading her brother’s girlfriend. Not that she thought Oliver and Sara were having sex. She knew that they for one would never do that to Felicity. They both had too much respect for her, and Sara really liked her. Plus, they weren’t the same people that screwed behind Laurel’s back anymore. Plus, they were way too distraught for that. Her own statement made her recall her former thought of how she hadn’t even known that the two of them were in a relationship two years ago until she accidently walked in on a private moment between the pair.

 

_Sara had convinced Thea to go home early and let her close the club because she had been exhausted after everything that had happened. She had just wanted to finish some paperwork in the office before leaving, but had fallen asleep at her desk. Once she woke up, she walked downstairs to leave when she saw her brother and her friend at the bar. Oliver was sitting on one of the bar stools while Sara was sitting on the counter right in front of him. She could make out two drinks next to her employee on the counter and just barely hear their voices but not the words only that it seemed to be some friendly banter given the smiles on their faces and the occasional laughter from Sara and chuckle from Oliver. She stopped to watch them for a moment because she hadn’t seen either of them this relaxed and carefree since before… before. It reminded her of how they used to be; all laughs and smiles and jokes. Ollie and Sara together had always been hilarious and highly entertaining._

_This was how she ended up observing Oliver’s hands trail up Sara’s calves, passed the knees and pinching her tight playfully while Sara’s hand slapped his bicep before stroking his arms up to his shoulders and back again. One of Sara’s hands was moving into his hair while their faces moved closer together until their lips met in a short, sweet kiss. Both blondes smiled tenderly at the other after the kiss broke. Just to move back together this time the kiss was lazy and longer and seemed to get more passionate, real fast. Oliver’s hands moved from Sara’s tights to her hips and he lifted her from the counter into his lap while Sara’s hands slipped under Oliver’s shirt as his were on her ass pressing her into him…_

_This was the moment Thea decided to leave… she so did not need to watch where this was going. Having this image of her brother and friend in her head was enough anymore, and she’d be scarred for life!_

 

That moment between the two had been private and intimate, but the brunette couldn’t shake the feeling that it had been nowhere near as intimate as the moment they had shared earlier tonight. This lead to the young brunette wondering about the definition of cheating. Could you cheat on someone on a purely emotional level? Was it cheating if you reconnected so intimately with your ex-girlfriend slash one of your oldest and best friends? If you let them see you stripped bare in a manner, you didn’t let anyone else see you? 

 

Thea didn’t know why, but she suddenly had this feeling that everything was about to change. In a big way. 

 

Oliver’s younger sister would look back to that moment months later and realize just how right and yet how very wrong she had been at the time. Not that she had known then, or that it had happened right away as she had thought, or the way she had assumed it would. 

 

Sara had left town not two days later. 

 

Oliver and Felicity had not only stayed together, but had actually ended up engaged not long after. And everything went to hell right after. They had seemed  happy. Still, part of her couldn’t help but think he was going to marry the wrong blonde. Not that she would ever tell him that. Least of all with Sara being gone again and no one knowing whether she would ever come back home or where she went. 

 

Everything pretty much went back to the way it was before Sara was resurrected and re-ensouled. 

 

Things seemed to finally go well for her brother for once in his life. He was ahead in the polls and happy in his relationship, moving forward. Which was why she and everyone else should have known that disaster would strike. It always seemed to when Oliver was finally moving towards being happy and at peace. 

 

 

Felicity ending up in a wheelchair right after they got engaged. Damien Darhk kidnapping Oliver’s son, her brother had a son! She was a freaking aunt! She was still trying to wrap her head around that. And then Felicity leaving him in the aftermath of that revelation right after Oliver decided to give William up to ensure that he had a safe and happy childhood away from all the darkness and danger. 

 

Part of her couldn’t help but wonder how Sara might have reacted had she been in Felicity’s shoes and a little voice betrayed her and insisted that she would have stayed with him and supported him. 

 

Just like Laurel showed so much more understanding and support. And Laurel had every right to be pissed at Oliver. She had been the one he had cheated on with Samantha. William had been conceived while Ollie had been dating Laurel. So Laurel’s reaction had been a surprise and just showed how much she cared. His fiancée’s reaction and consequences in comparison made even less sense to her now.  

 

She also couldn’t understand Felicity’s treatment of her brother, given the fact that the breakup had been her decision. Why was she attacking and tearing him down all the time? It was her choice to end the engagement and walk out on him. 

 

All of this had only been the beginning. And Thea could understand her brother’s decision to leave Star City shortly after Felicity broke off the engagement. Damien Darhk was found dead in his prison cell a couple of days after Ollie had left. There were no traces or clues of who had murdered him. But it was one less problem they had to worry about and deal with. 

 

Oliver ended up being gone for six months. He would text her every day, occasionally call or face time her and send her long emails with pictures of his travels once a week. She missed him dearly, but knew that he needed this. The time away to deal with everything that had happened and figure out what he would do now that he had dropped out of the mayoral race. It also helped that he looked relaxed, free from all the burdens, happy and actually at peace for the first time in years, in the odd picture that he was on or the handful of face time calls he made. So that made her happy for him and made it easier to accept his choice, to put some distance between himself and their home. 

 

She never would’ve guessed that night at Big Belly Burger that the biggest change would happen a good eight months later after Oliver’s return home. 


End file.
